


Gems the Breaks Rewritten

by sarahgirl1998



Category: Happy Tree Friends
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Humor, Sneezing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:53:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23185816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahgirl1998/pseuds/sarahgirl1998
Summary: Lifty and Shifty have finally found Splendid's weakness - but what they don't realize is the Super Squirrel has a trick of his own up his sleeve.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a peaceful night in the forest where the Happy Tree Friends lived - but it wasn’t so peaceful for two certain troublemaking Tree Friends.

These Tree Friends - Lifty and Shifty - had just robbed a museum without setting off any alarms. And now they were making off with as many valuables as they could carry - one of which was a jewel-surrounded box that particularly interested them.

As they were walking out of the museum, however, they saw that someone was waiting for them. It was Splendid, the flying squirrel with superpowers.

”Where do you think you’re going?” Splendid wanted to know.

Neither of the raccoons could think of a good excuse, so they just threw their hands up, dropping everything they had in the process. Nothing broke, although the jeweled box did open, revealing it had a glowing green object inside. The object was constantly emitting green rays.

”What the...?” Splendid asked, having seen the object. It looked quite familiar...

Suddenly his eyes widened and pupils shrunk. He knew what this was. It was the only thing he couldn’t take.

”Oh, no... it can’t be!” Then he began to feel dizzy, and fell over. His legs felt like they were falling asleep. “Oh, there’s no mistaking it! This is... K... Kryptonut!”

”Kryptonut?” Shifty asked as he raised an eyebrow.

”What the heck is a Kryptonut?” Lifty wanted to know.

Splendid tried to reply, but before he could, he felt an intense tickle in his nose. He was going to sneeze.

”AaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH-- TCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Splendid released a sneeze that was so strong that it blew him up into the air. Lifty and Shifty were astonished when they saw this; they’d never seen Splendid sneeze like that before. Before they could comment, Splendid sneezed again.

”HAAAAAAAHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

This sneeze also blew him around, while Lifty and Shifty continued to watch him do so.

”What’s making him sneeze like this?” Shifty asked. Then he looked over at the Kryptonut, which had fallen out of its box. Shifty went over to it, picked it up and put it back in the box. “Maybe this had something to do with it.”

Since the Kryptonut was no longer exposed, Splendid regained himself and floated back down to the ground. He sniffled rather audibly as he rubbed his nose with his forefinger.

”Ugh... How did that get in the museum?” Splendid asked himself. “But enough talk. It’s time to teach you pesky coons a lesson!”

”Wait just a minute!” Shifty picked the box back up, then opened it again. Splendid saw him do so and gasped.

”You wouldn’t dare!” But it was too late; he already needed to sneeze again. “HAAAAAAAH-- TCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

Splendid’s sneeze blew him upward again. Lifty and Shifty couldn’t believe what the were seeing.

”So let me get this straight,” said Shifty. “This thing makes you sneeze like that?”

Splendid gave another forceful sneeze in response, blowing himself around in the process. Lifty and Shifty looked at each other, then snickered evilly. Shifty kept the open box in his hands, aiming it towards Splendid as he and Lifty listened to him sneeze. It was also surprisingly hilarious to watch him propel himself everywhere.

After a few minutes, Lifty and Shifty decided that they’d given Splendid enough torture. They walked away with their box of Kryptonut - but Shifty briefly returned to open the box again and make Splendid sneeze one more time.

Splendid groaned in discomfort and rubbed his nose again with his forefinger. He shook his head in defeat as he saw that his enemies had escaped.

”This isn’t over...” Splendid vowed underneath his breath.

He levitated into the air and took off toward the Acorn Fortress. He was going to go to bed and try again tomorrow. The raccoons not only had found the one thing he was weak to, but they'd humiliated him enough for one night.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Splendid woke up a bit later than he usually did. He didn’t feel so good. His head was hurting, his throat was hurting and his nose was a bit stuffed up. He knew what had caused this: the Kryptonut that Lifty and Shifty had used upon him.

Splendid retrieved a nearby thermometer and placed it underneath his tongue. As he waited for his temperature to be taken, he sniffled audibly a few times. After almost a minute, he pulled the thermometer out and looked at it. It was 99 degrees; he was running a little fever.

”Ugh... Aaah-choo!” Splendid gave a mild sneeze, then rubbed his nose as he put the thermometer down. “Ugh... that blasted Kryptonut, that stupid Lifty and Shifty...”

Splendid lay back down in his bed as he continued to sniffle. Every few seconds, he groaned again or reached his hand up to rub his nose.

”I can’t save the day when I’m in this condition. What will this forest do without me?”

He reached over for a hot water bottle and placed it on his head. He then picked his thermometer back up and placed it back in his mouth. Before he could check his temperature again, however, he heard alarms being set off. Splendid looked up at his window.

”Someone’s in trouble!” Splendid then pulled his thermometer out of his mouth and looked at it. “Looks like this fever will have to wait.”

He flew out of bed and out of the Acorn Fortress, leaving his hot water bottle and thermometer behind in the process.

”Aw, yeah! Man, do we look great!” Lifty said in joy.

”Yeah, but I look better!” Shifty mentioned, also in joy.

”Oh, yeah?” Lifty showed him his hand, revealing that one of his fingers had a shining diamond ring on it. “But look, I’m getting engaged! Hehehe!”

The two of them had robbed a jewelry store without getting caught, and were now wearing the thousands of dollars worth of jewelry that they’d stolen. While Splendid was flying through the sky and looking for the source of the alarms he’d heard, a flash of light caught his eyes. He looked down, seeing the raccoons wearing their stolen accessories of gold and diamonds.

”I know what’ll protect me from their weapon...” Splendid said to himself.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Splendid pulled out a radiation suit and put it on. He was sure it would keep himself from sneezing when the raccoons tried to use their Kryptonut on him. He then flew down to earth, landing right in front of Lifty and Shifty as he did so.

”Not so fast, you annoying burglars!” said Splendid.

But Lifty and Shifty didn’t panic this time. They didn’t know why Splendid was wearing the radiation suit, but they didn’t care. Lifty pulled out his box of Kryptonut and opened it toward Splendid, allowing the rays to reach him.

But he didn’t start sneezing.

”Huh?” Lifty kept the box in front of Splendid, but nothing happened.

”What the heck is going on?!” Shifty wanted to know.

”I don’t know, but I can’t think of any moment where this could make sense,” said Lifty. Then, however, he got an idea and pointed to something behind Splendid. “Hey, what’s that?”

”Hm?” Splendid turned around, but then Lifty removed his mask from his face and pulled it off. Splendid’s eyes widened and pupils shrunk in surprise. When he turned back to Lifty and Shifty, they were holding the box of Kryptonut from the night before.

”Gotcha! Hehehe!!”

Splendid gasped in realization, but then a familiar intense tickle made its way into his nose. He was going to sneeze again.

"Aaaaah... HaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHH-- TCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The sneeze blew him into the air, and then he sneezed a few more times, each one blowing him in a different direction. "CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! HAAAAAAAAH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

As Splendid’s sneezing fit progressed, he could hear Lifty and Shifty laughing once more. By the time the tickle in his nose had calmed down, he saw that they had run away, most likely bringing the Kryptonut with them.

”Ugh... Man, I can’t STAND those rascals...” Splendid muttered as he rubbed his nose again. “If I want to slow them down, I’ll have to find a way to turn the tables on them, no matter how much they use my weakness on me...”

”And I think I know exactly how to do that.” A smile slowly appeared on Splendid’s face.


	3. Chapter 3

”We’ve really hit the jackpot, bro! Hehehe!” Lifty said in joy.

”You said it! It just doesn’t get any better than this!” Shifty replied.

Lifty and Shifty had just robbed Giggles and Petunia’s lemonade stand, and now they were enjoying all of the money they had made. It was theirs now, and since poor Giggles and Petunia were both tied up and gagged a few feet away, they couldn’t be stopped now. Or could they?

From about a mile away, Splendid saw his chance to finally defeat the raccoons and removed his radiation suit.

”Those two will be sorry once they find out about MY secret weapon,” Splendid said to himself.

He reached behind his back and pulled out a container. It was a dark gray container with the word “Pepper” written on it, topped with a silver hole that had many holes inside.

”The most sneeze-filled of circumstances requires the most sneeze-filled of solutions - which is perfect, because I always have some of this with me when there’s an emergency.”

Splendid then snapped his fingers, and within ten seconds, he was out of sight. He was still there, however; he had just turned himself invisible. With only his pepper shaker in view, Splendid levitated off the ground and floated up to Lifty and Shifty from behind.

”And now to give them a taste of their own medicine!” thought Splendid.

”This is the best day we’ve ever had!” said Lifty. “What could possibly go wrong?”

Splendid held the pepper over Lifty and began to shake it onto him. Then he stopped and looked on as Lifty felt a rather intense tickle in his nose.

”Aaah... Haaah...” Lifty inhaled, tilting his neck back slightly. He put down the money that he had in his hands and then held his hands over his mouth. “HaaaaAAAAH...”

But before he could sneeze, Shifty heard his inhales and placed his forefinger underneath his nose. Just like that, the urge to sneeze faded away. Lifty sighed in relief as Shifty removed his forefinger.

”Phew. Thanks, bro,” said Lifty.

“Don’t mention it, Lifty,” Shifty replied.

Splendid, a bit dismayed that Lifty’s sneeze had been postponed, then shook his pepper onto Shifty. This time he noticed.

”Hey! Where’s all this pepper coming from?!” Before Shifty could say anything more, he needed to sneeze, too; his nose began to tickle and his breath began to hitch. “Huuh, haaaah... AHHH--“

Shifty tilted his neck back, then held his breath as he rubbed his fist underneath his nose. His sneeze steadily faded away, and he sighed in relief.

”Ah, that was close,” said Shifty. “But really, what’s with all the pepper?”

”Oh, COME ON!” Splendid cried in dismay. His eyes began to glow an enraged red, and he snapped out of his invisibility in the process. Why didn’t Lifty and Shifty want to sneeze?

Just then, the raccoons looked behind them to see a frustrated Splendid holding his pepper shaker. As they realized he was the one making them sneeze - and that he was about to unleash his frustration - their eyes widened and pupils shrunk in fear.

”Oh, no...!”

”Run for it!” said Shifty.

With that, he and Lifty ran away from the lemonade stand, with Splendid following them and still having his red eyes of anger. They passed by a few Tree Friends, including Cuddles, Toothy, Lumpy and Sniffles, but most of them just looked confused. Finally Lifty and Shifty came to the pond, taking a quick look behind them to make sure they were still being chased.

”Looks like we got no choice!” said Lifty, and Shifty nodded in agreement.

The two of them jumped into the pond, submerging themselves out of view before Splendid could catch them. Splendid stopped flying when he got close enough to the pond, and his eyes returned to normal. He was still intent on finishing what he’d started, however.

“You’ve caused enough trouble as you have. Now it’s payback time!” He pulled out his pepper shaker and shook all of it into the pond.

After a few seconds, the raccoons came up to the surface to catch their breaths. However, as they were panting for air, their eyes widened as a familiar sensation returned to their noses. Lifty looked at Shifty in dismay.

”Let me guess, this pond is full of pepper?”

It was then that Lifty and Shifty began to sneeze. They tilted their upper bodies back as their nostrils flared and they inhaled in perfect unison, with Splendid watching in satisfaction.

”Aaaaah, haaaaah... HAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-- TTTTTTCCCCCCHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Their sneezes, which were also in perfect unison, were so loud that they echoed all throughout the forest, and so powerful that they blew themselves out of the pond - and out into the distance with a visible twinkle. In the process, the Kryptonut box fell straight out of Shifty’s pocket and landed in front of Splendid.

Splendid put on his radiation suit and mask, then opened up the box. He pulled out the Kryptonut and crushed it into dust with his hand. His weakness now destroyed, he removed his mask, took a deep breath and blew the dust away. Just then, the wind changed direction and blew it back towards him - but he put his mask back on before any of it could get into his face. Splendid smiled as all of the Kryptonut powder was blown away, never to be seen again.

”Mission accomplished,” said Splendid. “And now to undo all of these reprehensible crimes.”

Splendid flew over to Giggles and Petunia, removed the tape from their mouths and untied them. They both thanked him in relief, and thanked him even more as he returned their money to them. Then Splendid flew off to where the raccoons had wandered after robbing the jewelry shop; as for why they had left their jewelry there, he didn’t bother to question. He returned every piece of jewelry they’d stolen, and then did the same for the artifacts they’d taken from the museum.

With a nod of satisfaction, Splendid flew back to the Acorn Fortress. He wiped his forehead with his hand as he gave a sigh of relief, and then felt his forehead with his hand. His fever had gone - he had recovered from the Kryptonut ages ago. Splendid smiled at himself for saving the day.

Just then, Splendid heard a knock at his front door. He went over to it and opened it, only to be greeted with an enthusiastic hug from the visitor outside.

”Oh, Hero! Thank you so, so much for stopping those mean raccoons! You’ve saved us!”

Splendid recognized the visitor as Sniffles, one of his close friends. He smiled and hugged him in return.

”Yes, I have, Sniffles,” he replied. They let go, both smiling at one another. “No need to thank me, darling. Protecting the innocent is what I do best.”

Just then, Splendid felt a rather intense tickle in his nose, which twitched as his nostrils flared up. He took a step back from Sniffles as he inhaled, tilting his neck back.

”Haah... Haaaaaah... AaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHHH--“ Splendid took a final dramatic breath, and then sneezed again. “CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

Splendid shot his neck forwards as he released the sneeze. It was quite loud, like when the Kryptonut that Lifty and Shifty had used on him made him sneeze - but this sneeze didn’t blow him around. Splendid could hear Sniffles giggling in amusement as he rubbed his nose with his forefinger.

”Gesundheit, Hero~!” said Sniffles.

”Thank you, darling. And excuse me,” Splendid replied, still rubbing his nose. ”My, that was quite a sneeze. I wonder what caused it...”

Sniffles looked away cutely and spoke in a rather playful tone. “Gee, I don’t know... Maybe a certain someone brought some sneezing powder here?” He giggled again.

Splendid looked at him, having pulled his forefinger away from his nose. “You were that someone, weren’t you?” he asked, sharing Sniffles’ playfulness.

”Yes,” Sniffles replied.

Splendid chuckled in response. “I suspected as much. At least it wasn’t the Kryptonut that those pesky raccoons had with them.”

”Yeah, not wrong there...” Sniffles replied. “I’ll help you make sure you never come in contact with it again.”

“Great idea,” Splendid replied.

Meanwhile, Lifty and Shifty had landed quite a few miles away from the pond they were in before they’d sneezed. Their noses hadn’t had enough relief from that one massive sneeze, so they found themselves in a fit of one huge sneeze after another.

”AAAAAAAHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! HAAAAAH-TCHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! AHHHHHH-TCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

While they were sneezing, Lumpy was walking close to them. Hearing the sneezes stopped him in his tracks; they sounded like they were catching a cold. He ran over to Lifty and Shifty with a look of concern on his face.

”Guys! Are you feeling alright?!” Lumpy asked, but neither of the raccoons responded. “Do you need me to take care of you?”

”HaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH--“ Lifty and Shifty gave a dramatic inhale, and then exploded directly into Lumpy’s face. “CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!”

”Hey!” Lumpy flinched as he rubbed his hands against his face, not noticing as the raccoons rubbed their now-red noses. Not long afterward, Lumpy felt a tickle in his nose. There was no doubt that it was from the germs the raccoons had sneezed onto him. His breath hitched as his nostrils flared, and then he sneezed. “Aaaah, haaaah... Haaaaaah-tchooooooooo!”

”You know what?” Lumpy sniffled as he rubbed his nose with his forefinger. He was looking at Lifty and Shifty in dismay. “You don’t deserve my care, you deserve to go home and rest.”

He then walked away from the raccoons, just as they gave another loud sneeze, followed by another.

”HUUUUUHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

”Ugh!” Shifty groaned as he rubbed his nose with his arm. “I hate, HATE Splendid! We would’ve gotten away with all this if it weren’t for that meddling squirrel!”

”Aaaaah-choooooooo!!!” Lifty gave a slightly less audible - but no less forceful - sneeze, then sulked as he rubbed his nose with his forefinger.

”Ugh. It just doesn’t get any worse than this...” said Lifty. He wasn’t looking at Shifty, and he could already tell he was agreeing with him.

At least this would give them time to think about what they’d done.


End file.
